


Please Don't Fly Where I Can't Follow

by puff22_2001



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Angst, Brief mention of suicide attempt, Character Death, Gen, Lost Love, M/M, Triggers, Wingfic, companion to Athene Noctua, winged!Hermann
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-14 22:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1281058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puff22_2001/pseuds/puff22_2001
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calls fly across the world in the wake of Trespasser's attack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Call: Karla

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pickleplum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pickleplum/gifts).



> Pickle honored me by asking me to write this piece of Hermann's history. I hope to do it justice.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The news of Trespasser's attack shatters Hermann night and, soon, his life.

Hermann’s cell phone jars him from sleep on the night of August 10th. He flexes his wings in annoyance as he picks up his phone. He intends to give the caller a stern lecture about bothering a university professor in the middle of the night. His sister’s frantic voice cuts through his snippy, half-asleep hello when he slides the lock.

“Manny! You have to turn on the television! There’s a giant monster attacking the States!” Hermann is still not completely lucid and considers that he’s dreaming.

“What?”

“There’s a giant— _thing_ attacking California!” Karla’s voice is hoarse from fear and wakes Hermann completely. He’s only ever heard that voice when he shattered his leg and when he tried to kill himself. Whatever is going on, it’s _bad_.

Hermann turns to the television next to his bed and switches it on. He need not change the channel; every single one is showing the same thing.

“My God.” The  _thing_ is larger than a whale and swatting down planes like flies. Hermann can see people falling into the water below the Golden Gate Bridge. They are the lucky ones, Hermann can see. The monster's massive paws crush others. Hermann can’t look too long before he wants to vomit.

“Wh—when did it start?” His own voice is thick and the man tries to rein in his terror for his sister’s sake. Karla is strong, but there's no reason to further upset her.

“Just a few hours ago. The United States is working with the RAF, but they’re not stopping it.” Karla, brave Karla, swallows and continues in a steadier voice. “Dietrich is already trying to book a plane to help, but they’re not letting anyone anywhere near that thing. All the airports are completely shut down.”

“Is Bastien all right?” Hermann asks warily. He knows his brash, kind younger brother. Keeping him from the fray will be a true testament to their father’s power over them all.

“He’s desperate to go help like Dietrich, but Father is adamant that he stay put. He thinks we should let the States handle the problem.” Karla says and the loathing is crystal clear in her voice. Hermann is not surprised. Their father is quite an independent man, if one is being kind, and a selfish man if kindness is not warranted.

“Well, at least he’s safe.” Hermann says before a yawn escapes him. “I’m going to have to go back to Bed, Karla. I don’t know what classes will be like tomorrow, but I need to focus for whatever chaos there is.”

“No, go back to sleep. I’m going to try myself. I don’t know if I _can_ sleep, though. Call me when you get up, all right?” _It’s silly to worry over me_ , Hermann thinks as they exchange “I love you”s and "good night"s. He’s not anywhere near the United States and neither is anyone he knows. But Karla has always worried about Hermann, to both his anger and his gratitude.

Hermann lies awake long into the night as panic and worry swirl in his mind. He wishes, not for the first or last time, that he could see colors. Whatever the monster is in San Francisco Bay, it is a bright grey—almost as if it is shining silver. Hermann wants to know what the enemy looks like. It’s easier to fight what you can understand. Hermann has learned this from his years hiding himself from the world.

The mathematician begins to slip into an uneasy sleep some hours later. His dreams shift and, thankfully, have nothing to do with the horror happening as he rests. For once, Hermann is grateful that his wings have kept him so isolated. No one he loves is at danger from the monster.

It’s around eight in the morning when Hermann receives the second call and he learns exactly how wrong he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned: Angst and pain are definite next chapter.


	2. The Second Call: Katha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann loses a piece of himself in Trespasser's attack. He'll never find it again.

Hermann’s phone buzzes again at around eight the next morning. He wakes in an instant this time, having slept lightly in unease since Karla’s call. The phone displays an unknown number and Hermann hesitates. Other than his siblings or the University, who would be calling him to tell him about the horror happening in San Francisco? And who else would call at all?

“This is Hermann.” Hermann thinks that it might be a wrong number when the other caller doesn’t respond. He can hear sobbing, though, and keeps quiet on his end. Whoever it is needs compassion right now, not an abrupt hang-up. _Everyone_ in the world will need compassion during this time.

“Herm—Hermann.” The voice is female and familiar. What women does he know other than Karla? He runs down his short list as the caller hiccups and calms some.

“Katha?”

“Yeah.” Katha Singh. He hasn’t spoken to her since his father pulled him from Manchester, eight painful years ago. His heart feels like it stops. He can’t imagine any reason why she would have contacted him now that doesn’t chill his blood.

“Ed—Edan’s dead.” Katha says and he voice wobbles. Hermann’s vision swims. He didn’t know, but he _did_. Katha wouldn’t have called him unless—unless it was Edan. Not the others. Not when he’s made such an effort to hide. Only Edan could force her to seek him out.

“No . . . “ He knows that his voice is a whisper and starting already to shake with tears. His first love, his true love: Edan. The Scottish boy with bright eyes and a rough accent and a smile that melted Hermann’s heart from the first time that he saw it. He’s dead.

“He’s—was in Stanford. The monster destroyed the whole—whole campus.” Katha’s pain seems spurred on by Hermann’s but, unlike with Karla earlier in the night, he can’t muster his emotions. He can’t spare the strength to reign himself in when he’s barely holding himself together. The small part of his mind that is still coherent says a silent apology.

“He still thought of you, Herm—Hermann. He missed you.” Katha says through her tears. Hermann is weeping without sound, a skill perfected in his youth from much practice.

“was—was he happy?” It’s all he wants to hear. That he hadn’t left Edan broken like leaving him had broken Hermann.

“He was. He was almost done with his Master’s. He wanted to tell you when he finished.”

“How long have you had my number?”

“A while. Edan didn’t want to bother you. He said that you were probably happy.”

 _How wrong he had been!_ Hermann thinks in agony. He's missed Edan so much but his fear and shame have kept him from trying to rekindle their short, intense romance. His father had drilled into his head that no one could ever know about his wings—about his monstrosity. He’d never taken the chance, after Deitrich’s one defiance against their cold father, to tell Edan how much he loved him, still. How much he still missed him. And now there are no chances left.

“I’m sorry, Katha, I can’t—” He can’t hold in the screams of rage much longer. Katha will understand; she has to.

“I know, Hermann. I’ll—I’ll call you in a few days to see—see how you are.” Katha’s wet goodbye goes unheard. Hermann gently ends the call, places the phone on his bedside table—his every nerve begging him to slam the phone into the floor over and over again—and curls up in bed. He screams until he’s hoarse and then sobs in an unending flood.

He doesn’t move when the university calls.

He doesn’t move when Karla calls.

He doesn’t move when Karla calls again and again.

Hermann doesn’t move the rest of August 11th, 2013 except to go to the bathroom, throw up, and sob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to suggest corrections or ideas. I would love for this piece to be even more agonizing and better.


End file.
